Be a Ball Hog

Recreational sports allow adults to exercise together while proving how much they know about obscure rules. I met a cute girl the other week while screaming about how long you can hold a dodgeball before throwing it (10 seconds, of course).  Friendships are forged and foregone in these matches,  pitting human beings against each other in savage competitions.

Most of my beer league softball games end like this.

An easy way to be annoying in these situations is to be a ball hog. Sure,  you are playing a team sport for fun,  but do you really want to rely on other people to not mess up? That’s how George W.  Bush was elected (well, that and electoral fraud).  Look at these people… no one here could ever go pro.  Well,  maybe you could have. You’re naturally athletic,  right?  These games will give you a chance to prove to everyone that you don’t have to make the high school basketball team in order to be a baller.  

In 2000, this guy hogged all the votes in Florida.

You could pass the ball,  but is Clark really going to score from over there?  He probably won’t even catch the ball. You’re better off going for another 3 pointer.  One of them is bound to go in soon.  If you ever don’t have the ball,  a great way to get it back is to play someone else’s position as well as your own.  The ball was headed straight for Jenny and she called it,  but by pretending to not hear her,  you can be the hero of the game! After the match,  be sure to condescend everyone and tell them how great their teamwork was. Go Sports!