Take Two Seats on a Crowded Bus

Public transportation: For many, it is an essential service where people sacrifice the comfort and convenience of a car in order to reduce traffic, help the environment, and save money. For us, it is a daily opportunity to annoy our fellow man.

A great way to drive people crazy. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

When people board a bus or subway, they enter a social contract. Most of the rules are not written down anywhere, but we all are aware of them. For example, no one has ever told you not to stare at the person across from you on the bus, but you know to not do it (unless they are really good looking, of course (or really bad looking (like you know those people whose eyes are crazy close together? And you wonder “Can they even see me? I wonder what their vision is like. It can’t be 20/20. right?”))). The most sacred unwritten law of public transit has to be “Thou shall not take up more than one seat”. Luckily for us, if you break an unwritten law, you only go to unwritten jail, which is not a real place.

Sometimes staring on a bus leads to romance. Not with this guy, though.

There are so many ways to take two seats on a crowded bus. The easiest method is to simply be overweight (due to a medical condition, like diabetes or pregnancy). Sitting in this fashion is a great way to take up space without even trying! If you really hate cupcakes that much, you could instead put a bag on the seat next to you. This works especially well if there are people standing nearby. It’s a way of telling everyone “Hey, my gym stuff is more important than you” without saying a word. Finally, manspreading has been proven to be very effective at taking up more space than you deserve. Simply find a seat, plop down, and open your legs like you have some kind of inflamed testicular problem.

Poor guy...I wonder what he has?